Mother's Day
For this Sunday, I've been studying Proverbs 31, verse 10 through the end of that chapter. I'm going to preach on "Godly Character," particularly as it applies to women. Hey! It's Mother's Day! Even on deployment, at a military base, the day is not lost nor forgotten. Everyone of us has a relationship with a special woman who, no matter what personal failings she may have, has given us the gift of life -- that's no small deal!
As Marianne and I discovered years ago when we looked into adopting a baby, not all women who have children qualify for the endearing term of "Mom." When we went to adopt, we knew we'd be scrutinized. Our financial records would be audited. Our histories would be checked. We would be visited by Social Workers. Yet, there are drug addicts who give birth and then try to discard their babies or pawn off their children. It's a horrible thought. Living with Godly character, caring for your family, and giving the gift of your personality, love, and nurture, amidst this sinful world, that's a lifetime challenge!
As it turned out, Marianne and I didn't have to adopt. Elliott was born. Whether through the gift of adoption, or the gift of child birth, God alone grants life as a gift, no matter the circumstances of conception, birth, and incorporation into a family. But the challenge and quest to live with Godly character only increases each day. As children grow, there are more challenges. Families live under stress. Building Godly character, and living with integrity, is hard. Yet among families, some women are unique in a particular stressor. Not only do they face the challenge of raising children in a Christian family, but they do so while being married to a Pastor! Talk about living under challenging circumstances!
My wife is one such woman. Many, many times she shines with beauty and brilliance. Other times, she gets pulled into the mud and mire of daily relationships, tasks, and challenges. Yet she is a person of Godly character. Not perfect. But she loves people, she faces disappointment, she commits herself to our family, and she's raising a Godly child. What a challenge! She is pulling it off. I'm really proud of her, and I'm glad God blessed me with such a wife. As though facing a mirror, I imagine that she is a reflection of the difficulties that every Mom faces.
My friend, and fellow pastor in Wisconsin, Tom Eggebrecht, wrote about the particular challenges facing a Pastor's wife, and wrote some suggestions for what people in church could do to help their Pastor's wife. By extension, if you look at the suggestions in BOLD, I think these principles could be applied to the woman-in-your-life, affectionately named, "Mom.
He is what Tom wrote on his weBlog:
Now I'm not a pastor's wife. But I know a pastor's wife pretty well, and I think I can tell you some ways to make a pastor's wife feel appreciat
- Support Her Husband. Nothing makes the life of a pastor's wife easier and more enjoyable than a happy, well-respected, super-supported husband. When you support him, you are supporting her.
- Lower Expectations. Make it known to her in no uncertain terms that she is not expected to be chair of the ladies guild, an altar helper, or a Sunday School teacher. If those are her gifts and she chooses to serve in one or more of those ways, thank her as you would anyone else. But make certain that it is not an iron-clad expectation.
- Don't Leave Her Out. It has become in vogue to dedicate the month of October as "Clergy Appreciation Month." How about recognizing his wife during that month, too. You could also send her flowers, a card, or a gift certificate "just because" you appreciate all the many ways she supports both her husband and the church.
- Give Her the Gift of Time. See to it that the pastor's wife gets time with her husband. It could be on his regular "day off," or even for a weekend getaway. If the couple has children, volunteer to babysit on regular occasions.
- Let Her Be Her. Please don't try to fit her into your mold. Allow her to show and to share her own personality, gifts, and talents, in the way that she feels best...not in the way the congregation feels she should.